Futurama Porno Story: Weird Fry Day Chapter Twenty-one

Leela awoke refreshed
and alert on the third morning of the space voyage. She yawned,
stretched, and felt a stiffness in her muscles from her exercise
regimen of the previous day. Only one cure for that, she
thought, and slipped back into Frys gym shorts. Without bothering
to put on a shirt, she dropped to the floor, executed fifty flawless
push-ups, stood, and began to jog around the corridors of the new
ship. Its the first time Ive gone topless since switching
with Fry, she mused. Its so strange.

She found Zapp on the
bridge, lounging in the captains seat, staring blankly at the
stars through bleary, half-closed eyes. The spaceman swiveled to
face her, and she felt an impulse to cover her chest that quickly
passed. Morning, Fry, he mumbled.

Morning, Zapp,
said Leela, running in place. You could use a shave, you know.

So could you,
soldier, said Zapp.

Leela glanced down at
her (Frys) legs and was startled by their hairiness. Hes
talking about my face, she reminded herself.

I couldnt sleep,
said Zapp wearily. Ive been sitting here all night, thinking
about Captain Beauchamp, the Cirrus, Azaria Prime, and the thing
that destroyed them. A ship the size of a moon, equipped with some
type of intelligence-inhibiting beam? Its too fantastic for even
me to imagine.

Its gotta be the
Brainspawn, thought Leela. But what would they need with a
giant spaceship?

Nothing in my
experience has prepared me to face such an enemy, Zapp went on.
I hope this delivery wont prove to be a waste of time.

My womans
intuition isnt functioning at the moment, but I dont need it to
see that Zapps got demons within as well as without. Youll
do just fine, Leela assured the captain.

From deep within the
bowels of Raven, she heard Frys cell phone play Walking on
Sunshine once again. Must be Mildred, she said aloud to
herself. Shes been calling me five times a day.

She tried to jog away,
but Zapp seized her by the arm. Id watch my back if I were
you, he advised. That womans part Chalnoth. Shes got
only half of what we like to call a soul.

Duly noted, sir,
said Leela, shaking off the spacemans grip.

On the way to her
quarters she passed Bender, who was also running, and waving his arms
as well. Danger! Danger! the robot wailed at the top of his
voice circuits.

Whats the
danger? Leela asked him.

Prolonged
confinement leading to spurious input sensor signals! Bender
ranted. Consequence: delusional, panicked robot!

Oh, I get it,
said Leela calmly. Youve got cabin fever.

Thats what I just
said, Amy! exclaimed Bender, and he rushed off, spouting, Danger!
Danger!

The phone had been
ringing for over a minute by the time Leela reached it. Hello?

Hi, its Mildred,
said a pleasant girls voice. I hope this isnt a bad time.

Its never a bad
time, said Leela. Its always a bad time. I wish I could
bring myself to hang up, but the poor girls so much like me

I assume youre
keeping the same hours, even though youre in space, said
Mildred. Id hate to call at the wrong time and wake you up.

Dont sweat it,
said Leela.

I know how much you
like parrots, said Mildreds voice. Theres going to be an
exhibit of trained parrots at Madison Cube Garden a week from Friday.
If youre still alive by then, maybe we can go.

Trained parrots,
eh? said Leela with interest. What are they trained to do?

All kinds of
tricks, Mildred answered. And talking, of course. According
to the ad, theres one parrot who can recite all the works of
Shakespeare and Shakespeares cloned head, and another parrot who
can tell the future.

That sounds really
cool, said Leela, straining to make conversation. Back in the
20th century everybody had a parrot. They were as
common as pigeons are now. But they didnt say much; mostly all
they did was swear.

Life was so
different back then, said Mildred wistfully. I love listening
to your stories, Philip. Its like getting in a time capsule and
going back in time.

Just as Leela opened
her mouth in the hope that she would think of something to say, the
door to her room slid open and Captain Brannigan appeared, his
bloodshot eyes now fixed with determination. Yes, Zapp? she
said politely.

Without speech or
hesitation, he lunged forward and snatched the phone from her hand,
closing it and ending the call. Locating a waste ejection port in
the wall next to the mirror, he thrust the phone inside and pushed
the button, causing the communication device to be hurled into deep
space, where it gravitated toward the gigantic ball of garbage
launched from Earth a year earlier.

What are you doing?
Leela blurted out. I mean, besides sparing me from making a total
ass of myself on the phone with Mildred?

Possibly saving all
our lives, was Zapps response. The voice in my mindit
cut off, just like that! Im free of it!

All right,
weisenheimer, said Leela, hands on hips. Explain how ejecting
Fryser, my cell phone is supposed to save us all from
destruction.

Zapp fingered his chin
and looked at the ceiling. Theyre all connected, he mused.
The voice, Frys girlfriend, my cureif only I could remember
what happened!

Leela sighed
impatiently. First of all, shes not my girlfriend.
Second, Id appreciate it if you didnt bring my
girlfriend into this.

And why not? said
Zapp sharply. I knew that mongrel was trouble since you first
laid eyes on her.

Shut your yap,
Zapp! Leela snapped. Ive had all I can take of your racist
claptrap! Now youve got me speaking in rhyme!

Thats
insubordination, officer, said Zapp, his tone grim. Ive
every right to clean your clock

Hoo-boy, Leela
worried. Im a guy now. He wont think twice.

but, for some
inexplicable reason, I lack the desire.

Whew.

Zapp turned and walked
quietly away. Leela, driven by curiosity, followed him all the way
to Zoidbergs clinic. In the distance they heard Benders voice,
persistently warning them of danger.

The doctor was
standing, but his eyes were closed and a wheezing sound periodically
emerged from his throat. The sound of footsteps aroused him, and he
snapped to attention. Zapp and what appeared to be Fry were staring
at him with bemused expressions. What? said the crustacean.
So I sleep on my feet. Its how Ive survived all these years
without a home.

Well, now that
youre up, said Zapp, Id like that brain scan I asked for
the other day.

As Leela watched,
Zoidberg swept the head-examining device back and forth along the
captains temple. When Fry told me that his girlfriend called
him five times a day, Zapp explained, it occurred to me that
the voice spoke to me five times a day, more or less.

I have an idea,
said Leela sarcastically. Maybe the voice in your head is God
praying to you.

Anyway, said
Zapp, ignoring her, thats how I figured out that somebody
was using Mildreds calls to send messages to my brain.

Hmm, Leela
recalled. Now that you mention it, there was some static
on the line.

Exactly! said
Zapp with a wave of his hand. The static, as you call it, must
have been a piggybacked signal.

But a signals no
good unless theres a receiver at the other end, Leela observed.

A receiver? said
Zoidberg, gaping in amazement at the readout of his instrument. You
mean, like the microchip implanted in the captains frontal lobe?

Zapps jaw dropped a
mile.