Futurama Porno Story: A Bday Surprise – Chapter 1

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“Come on, buddy, I got a surprise for you!” said Bender, with his hands
over Fry’s eyes as he walks him over to the P.E. lounge.

“What is it? What is it!” yelled Fry, anxious to see what Bender was
talking about.

Bender removed his hands from Fry’s face. “SURPRISE!” yelled the entire
crew and other people Fry had seen before, and Fry stumbled backwards with
astonishment.

“God, look at all this stuff!” he said, staring at the colorful decorations
that were poorly put up, a few classic food dishes on the table, and music
playing. “This is so cool!” yelled Fry.

All the day through, they were all having fun and talking and doing fun
stuff. Bender had a drinking contest, Amy had a interesting, yet dangerous
virtual piata game – knocking out two people the crew didn’t know – and
Farnsworth had a, let’s just say he had a very flexible and cracking,
Twister game. All was enjoyable, for a good amount of time, until Zoidberg
ate all the food at the buffet, and there weren’t many items left in the
trash, for some reason either.

Fry was relaxing in a chair with a party hat tipped slightly on his head.
His hands were behind his head and he had his eyes closed. His face was
painted with a faint smile. He was so relaxed that he didn’t realize Bender
grabbed his wallet out of his pocket and slipped in a replacement so Fry
wouldn’t notice. It was about five, people were leaving, and soon only the
P.E. crew remained. Amy walked in the room and sat down next to him.

“Hey, Amy,” said Fry. His eyes didn’t open.

“Hey, I’m having a great time. You like the party?” she asked.

“Are you kidding? It’s great to know I have friends who throw me a party
for no apparent reason!”

“What the hell are you talking about? We’re celebrating your birthday.”

Fry’s eyes shot open, wide and twitchy. “My birthday!? My birthday is
TOMORROW!” he yelled.

“Tomorrow? But we all thought it was today. I mean, we don’t really keep
track.”

That was when Fry jumped out of the seat. “Exactly!” he pointed his finger
into Amy’s face. “In fact, I don’t think you guys care at all! I’m just
your slave who delivers all your stuff! Bender doesn’t do anything, and you
don’t do much, and at least you guys get paid! Guess what? Farnsworth
forgets to pay me, if he even is going to! That’s it! I’m leaving Planet
Express!” he yelled. With that, Fry stormed out.

Leela was leaning over, trying hard to tie a party hat on Nibbler, who was
violently trying to shake it off. He couldn’t because it was the industrial
strength kind. She finally got it on, although it was pretty much
destroyed. She stood up, her hands at her hips in pride, admiring how cute
Nibbler looked. At the corner of her eye, Leela saw Fry walking towards the
door. She ran over to him. As she left, Nibbler gulped the hat up. He then
clutched his stomach. Hey, have you ever tried to eat an industrial
strength party hat? It’s not easy.

“Fry, where are you going?” She asked Fry.

“I dunno, but somewhere better than here! MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!” He
yelled, throwing his hands up in annoyance. Leela had a puzzled look on her
face as Fry quickly walked away.

“Fry, wait up!’ she called, catching up to him. He was walking really fast,
but not running. They were rapidly leaving sight of the P.E. building.

“Get away! I’m going somewhere!” he said. He didn’t turn any part of his
body. He didn’t even take his eyes off the view in front of him.

“We could just throw another party tomorrow, Fry! Come on, it’s just one
birthday party – you’ll have lots of others!” said Leela, as she tried to
keep up with Fry’s grueling pace.
“That’s not the point!” complained Fry. He abruptly stopped and faced
Leela. She nearly tripped when she stopped. “Ya see, it’s the principle of
the thing: no one cares enough to even remember my own birthday!” he told
her.

“We’re really, really sorry, Fry,” she said, with sympathy in her eye.

“Yeah, well, maybe,” Fry said, quickly changing his expression from a frown
to a small smile. “I guess I can forgive you guys. Besides,” he chuckled,
“I was having a good time.”

Leela smiled, grabbed his arm, and pulled him back to the building. When
they got there, they saw a few cops outside. There were two cop cars. A
small mob of people and aliens watched as the cops took action. They had
Bender and Zoidberg in cuffs.

“I’m telling ya, he did it!” yelled Bender, pointing to Zoidberg.

“I knew I shouldn’t have eaten those electric mice!” said Zoidberg,
moaning. His claw was clutched to his stomach – or at least one of his
stomachs anyway.

“Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge,” said the cop holding Bender. They drove
away to the court, while Leela and Fry watched. They look at each other and
shrugged. Then they made their way into the building where various
destructions have been caused.

As they approached the professor, he simply said, “Hermes will clean it up.
I’m 160 years old, dammit!” Yep, that was the professor’s excuse.

By now, everyone knew about Fry’s complaint. After the day was over, Fry,
not noticing, was the only one who left, with the exception of Bender and
Dr. Z. The others stayed due to an important announcement by Leela.

“Okay, we messed up Fry’s birthday, or pre-birthday, or whatever pretty
badly, but now we need to do something about it. Any suggestions?” asked
Leela, pacing back and forth as she talked.

“Oh! How about we take him to my parents’?” asked Amy.

“Nah, they don’t care about Fry, and we’ve seen most of the ranch. Hermes?”

“No ideas. The boy needs more hobbies, mon. Although, I think he may enjoy
a trip to one of Saturn’s moons.”

“Hmm not quit, not quite,” said Leela, a slight grin forming on her face,
as she rubbed her chin in thought. “But I think I have something he’ll
really enjoy. Everyone, meet me here one hour early tomorrow. Fry is going
to go on a little road trip,” said Leela, rubbing her hands.

“Hey, has anyone seen Bender and that red hideous monster whose name I
always forget?” said the professor.

At the NNY jail cell

“Dear god, help me! This is a living hell!” yelled Bender, who was stuck in
a cell with Zoidberg and 50 Cent’s head. 50 Cent’s head kept repeating,
“We’re gonna party like it’s your birthday!” over and over until the break
of dawn. Then Zoidy sang the rest along with 50 Cent.

Fry awoke next morning with a smile on his face and a frown in his heart.
He was glad it was his birthday, but he was sad he couldn’t share it with
his family, even if they were all idiots. He sighed and got up. He flipped
on some clothes, ate some cereal, and was out the door early today. He
figured no work had to be done for him. He jogged all the way to P.E., and
felt good about it. Maybe it’ll become a habit, he thought. He really
wanted to get into shape. He was just a little chubby, but with a little
exercise, he could do it. Fry never felt as good as this morning. He
stepped cautiously inside and yelled, “I’M HERE!”

No one came, but the lights were on. He strolled into the lounge, looking
for familiar faces, but no one was there. He went inside to the room with
the TV, but no one was there either. He checked the whole building and
found no one. He was about to give up and head back outside, but suddenly,
a spark of remembrance filled inside him. There was one place he hadn’t
checked. Fry crept up the stairs to the roof. He opened the door like it
was leading into the sewer in a few years back. He smiled a big smile when
he spotted Leela out there, legs dangling from the edge. His smile quickly
turned into a frown when he heard her sobbing.

He slowly crept up to her. “Leela, what’s wrong?”

“Fry! I didn’t hear you there. The rest of the crew is missing, as well as
Nibbler. He stayed here overnight.”

“Is that why you’re crying?”

“Well, not exactly. You see, if they don’t come back, guess who will take
over? Zapp. He’s been temporarily fired from the DOOP. In other words: it’s
like he’s on probation. If he does one bad thing, he’ll be sent to us. I
don’t want him to be the captain, Fry. I’ll have to follow his orders.
Plus, he’ll probably get rid of you, too.”

Fry was speechless. He tried to comfort Leela, like he had in many of his
dreams. But she’d always push him away. But not this time, he thought. This
time, I’m going to do it for her sake. He hugged her close. He told her not
to worry.

“Leela, remember when you were knocked out by that bee? Well, I had been at
your side that whole time. I didn’t give up on you making it. Everyone else
said you would die, or at least have brain damage, but you were fine. I
didn’t give up on you. Don’t you give up either. You’re the strongest
person I know. You won’t give up. Not the Leela I know. Not her.”

Leela stopped sobbing and smiled weakly at Fry. He returned her smile, and
then left.

“Fry, wait!” Leela called him just before he went down.

“What?” he asked, turning around.

“Let’s find them.”

“But how? The ship is missing too. Where would we get a ship?”

“I think I know. Once we tell Amy’s parents that Amy’s missing, maybe Amy’s
parents will then lend us one. It’s worth a try.”

“Hello? Mrs. Wong?” asked Leela over the videophone.

“Oh, it’s you, one eye girl. Where is Amy? Is she making us grandchildren?”
said Inez, in her accent.

“Uh, she’s not here. In fact, she’s missing. If you could be so kind to let
us borrow a ship, we’d be flattered.”

“Flattered, huh? I have never made anyone feel flattered. I want you to
feel flattered! Now, now, now! Oh yes, Amy would be good too. We deliver
you ship in 3 seconds ago. Now go be flattered – I mean, find Amy!” said
Leo, turning off the phone. Leela and Fry made their way to the area where
the ship was transported and checked it out.

“C’mon, Fry, let’s go. There’s no time to waste.” She got buckled in and
started the ship up. It blasted off. It wasn’t as smooth as the P.E. ship,
but it got the job done. The ship was smaller, too. There were only two
private rooms, one for Leela and one for Fry. The only other part, besides
the engine room, was the bridge. It was a normal looking ship, with no huge
decorations. But it wasn’t ugly either. In fact, it was painted a nice pale
white color.

It had been two hours since Leela heard a signal on her tracking device.
She had one because the professor somehow seemed to have tracking devices
stuck inside of him. No one ever questioned him about that any more than
they wanted to know how. It was just luck. Who ever thought the professor
would bring luck?

“Hey, Leela, this tracking device is starting to beep. Uh, is that good?
Because once, in this movie I saw, it went BEEP BEEP BEEP BOOM! And it
exploded! It was like, boom, bam, bagga, bo-“

“FRY! Stop it! If it’s beeping, that’s good! Point it in the direction it
was beeping in.”

Fry brought the machine up and held it out in front of him. He slowly
brought it up, down and side to side until it beeped.

“That way!” He pointed in the direction in which the device beeped. Leela
quickly turned the ship around and headed the way Fry pointed.

It had been a little while since the device beeped for the first time.
Every ten minutes or so, Fry would use it again, and each time it grew
louder. So far, they were headed in the right direction. Leela had turned
the autopilot on and decided to take a rest. She didn’t sleep, she just
relaxed. Fry basically did the same things he always did. After he grew
tired of playing with his fingers, he used the device again. This time it
beeped louder and faster than ever. He told Leela. She got up quickly and
grabbed the controls.

“The only two planets in that direction are Planet Tentalim and Planet
Hogendas. They could be on either one, so we should probably wait until we
get close enough to detect which one they’re on.”

“Kay. Do I get to blast aliens?” Fry made guns with his hands.

“Ugh, only if we need to,” sighed Leela.

“Whahoo!” yelled Fry, throwing his arms up.

They were approaching the planets, which weren’t too far apart. They were
close enough to see from one spot. Leela took out the device, and pointed
it towards Tentalim. There was no sound or red flashing light. So she
turned around 180 degrees and tried Hogendas. A faint, yet clear beep came
and red light along with it. Leela immediately got into her seat, buckled
up, and took the wheel (or whatever). Fry sat down and strapped himself in.

“This is Planet Express requesting to land,” said Leela over the
videophone.

A green, squishy looking creature replied, “We didn’t order any packages,
unless there’s chocolate chips in ’em.” His English was mediocre, and his
accent sounded squeaky, but friendly. It sounded familiar to Fry.

“We need to search for our crew members. They’re missing, and we believe
they’re there.”

“Very well, then. I’ll get the docking bay set up. In the meantime, may I
interest you in-“

Leela cut off the video phone, not caring for any ads. She glanced over at
Fry. He was looking out the window in amazement. Leela had a questioning
look on her face. “Fry, what’s so amazing?”

“It’s, it’s, a giant ice cream land!” Fry yelled in astonishment. There
were hills of ice cream, buildings made out of waffle cones, shrubs were
toppings, and all the natives were swirled flavors of ice cream. Fry licked
his lips. “I’ve never seen so much ice cream!” he stated.

As they landed, they observed the sights from a new point of view. There
was one little town, and behind that hills and woods. And it wasn’t just a
town, it was a delicious town. To their annoyance, Fry took bites out of
the buildings. The ice cream people gasped. “You’re eating our homes! How
can you even digest this crap?” Everyone asked. They must not like to eat
this stuff, thought Fry. He was about to take a chomp out of one of the ice
cream people, but Leela pulled him away.

“Fry, we’re looking for our crew. Screw these people!” said Leela, managing
to whisper. “I brought the tracker. It’ll help us find them. I’ll bet they
were kidnapped and taken to the woods, so let’s head there.” She gestured
to the vast woods.

They were on their way until they approached a stream. It was too deep to
walk across, so Leela thought quickly. “Fry, look! There are a few logs
over there that we can jump on to cross the river. Let’s go, and follow
me.”

She hopped across the span of about five logs with ease, but Fry was having
trouble. Fry was lagging behind once again, and he slipped on the fifth
log. Fortunately, Leela grabbed him just in time. They weren’t sure what
the stream was made have or what was in it. Suddenly, the log began to
shake. Fry and Leela felt themselves being propelled into the air, and
underneath them was a giant monster made of fudge. Only it wasn’t tasty
fudge. It was two years old, dammit! You try eating two-year-old fudge!

“Fry, hold on to my shoulders, and don’t let go!” She held him on her back
and jumped as far as she could to reach the land. They fell and stumbled
when they hit it, but they ran for their lives as soon as they got up.
Well, at least Fry did. Soon, he realized Leela was missing. He looked back
and saw Leela trapped under a hole, with the fudge monster’s very long neck
hovering over her.

“HELP, HELP!” Leela screamed. Fry knew he had to act fast, but his brain
didn’t work that way. His face had a look of horror in it, and didn’t move.
Her words of help resounded in his mind, she was going to die.