Futurama Pornography Story: Test dorks – Chapter 1
Fry: Hey Leela, check this out!
(Fry attempts to put his leg round his head while standing up, clearly
trying to impress her)
Leela: (sighs) Fry stop being such an idiot.
Ziodburg: (gasps) Fry that’s amazing! That looks exactly like the seducing
position us lobsters use! Hold that position while I take notes on how to
perform it.
(Ziodburg produces a note pad and pen from his coat pocket and begins
taking notes, while Fry attempts to keep the position but ends up hopping
around the place ending up falling on Leela’s lap)
Fry: Why hello there Lee.. Owe!
(Leela pushes Fry off her lap and onto the floor. Just that second the
professor enters the room. Fry returns to his chair rubbing his butt)
Fry: Aww.I thought that seducing position nearly worked then.
Professor Farnsworth: Good news everyone! You will be making a delivery to
Calvin Clerk 4.
(A load shriek comes from the opposite end of the table)
Professor Farnsworth: Zoidburg! Have you left my spare set of teeth on one
of the chairs again!
Amy: No no professor, its just Calvin Clerk 4! That’s the planet where the
make Roslyn red! My favorite perfume!
Leela: It’s my favorite too!
Amy: Are you sure Leela. I mean yours might be Roslyn rouge, that’s the
men’s cologne.
(Leela glares at Amy in much disgust)
Professor Farnsworth: Anyway you have to be there by eight tonight which
means u should have loaded the ship with the cargo five minutes ago and
should have been leaving two minutes ago! Now get moving you sleaze bags!
Stop wasting my time!
(Bender loads the cargo within the space of two seconds and stands outside
the stairs. Opens the door on the front of his body and takes out an army
helmet and begins jogging on the spot)
Bender: HUP TWO HUP TWO! GET A MOVE ON MEAT BAGS! HUP TWO!
(Fry and Leela jog into the ship, then followed by Bender still chanting
HUP TWO until the stairs retreat into the ship and the doors shut. Then the
space ship takes off)
(See ship traveling through space, traveling past a Calvin Clerk sign
advertising Roslyn Red and Roslyn Rouge)
(Inside the ship)
Fry: What are we delivering anyway?
(Bender opens one of 12 crates and pulls out an empty perfume bottle)
Bender: It appears to be a bottle of a weightless, clear substance. Hey
Leela does perfume always look like this? (Presses button that usually
sprays the perfume but in this case only sprays air) Hey this stuff doesn’t
smell either! What a con!
Leela: Bender sometimes I think your just as stupid as Fry!
Fry: Hahahaha.. wait a second.. that’s not funny!
Leela: The bottles are empty! Were taking them to Calvin Clerk so that they
can fill them up with the perfume they’re making there! (In a sarcastic
type of voice) And then do you know what happens to the bottles when
they’ve been filled up with the perfume and taken to the malls?
Bender: Yea sure I do! They get stolen!
(Ship lands in planet Calvin Clerk 4’s car park. Leela parks the hind legs
of the space ship in two free hover car spaces but the front leg of the
space ship landed on top of a car crushing it)
Fry: Leela! That’s a handicap space!
Leela: Oh sorry!
(Leela controls the front leg of the space ship so that it lifts off the
handicap space and onto a regular hover car space next to it, which also
crushes the car)
(Surrounding them are giant Calvin Clerk factories with huge clouds of
smoke spiraling out of the massive chimneys)
Leela: It said on the bottle that the perfume was made of natural sources
recently discovered in the depths of the rainforest on CooCoo twelve!
Fry: Yea they have the best stuff in there!
Bender: Forget that bone bags! Why the hell is everything so huge!
Leela: I know I usually have the answer to everything. but on this one I’m
stumped!
Fry: Maybe the factories are run by giant super snails, who use their slime
as the perfume and just add a scent to it to make it smell nice?
Leela: Don’t be such an ass fry!
Bender: I resent that remark! My ass is more attractive and clever than Fry
will ever be! (In a whisper he reassures his butt) There there ass, Leela
didn’t mean it.
Leela: Anyway that couldn’t be possible; snails became extinct in 2578
because of a food shortage in France.
Bender: (still reassuring his butt) Don’t cry! I told u she didn’t mean it.
Leela: Ok. lets just get this delivery over and done with! The quicker we
get home the sooner Bender can get back so polishing his ass!
Bender: Have you been watching me in the bathroom again!?
(They all walk up to each of the 12 factories to deliver one of the dozen
crates to each factory. They discover while delivering the first crate that
the factories are indeed not run by giant super snails. but giant super
hamsters. They had not spoken extremely loudly so they went
was until they reached the twelfth factory anyway. As they were leaving the
final factory.)
Fry: (Blurted out mindlessly and extremely loudly) I was so close though
wasn’t I! You know with my guess about the giant snails! Uh oh.
(This attracts the attention of the giant super hamsters. One of them
scuttles over to them and grabbed the three of them using its mouth and
took them off to another part of the lab)
Leela: Well done Fry! Once again u have screwed things up!
Fry: I’m sorry Leela.
Bender: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This is fun!
Leela: Shut up Bender!
(They were taken off to a part of the lab, which consisted of cages with
humans in them. Many of them were deformed, underweight or overweight.
Leela, Fry and Bender were all placed in the same cage together with other
humans)
Deformed guy: (speaking to Leela) Hey have you been here before?
(Leela glares at the deformed guy)
Deformed Guy: I mean you can’t have been born with that eye! Only a couple
of freak shows could produce something like that!
(Leela’s eye began to fill with tears)
Fry: Hey leave her alone! Have you looked in the mirror lately!
Overweight girl: He would but this cage has only got two stars.
(She points to a sign on the front of the cage reading “Cage De Le Crap 2
star cage”)
Bender: How long you freaks been in here anyways?
Overweight girl: Well most of us don’t really know because we don’t have
something to tell us the time or day or week or mon.
Bender: OK! Jease! I didn’t ask for your life story!
Fry: Hey Bender I just had a brainwave!
Bender: I think that’s the first time your brain has shown signs of
working!
Fry: Well you’re a bending you bend why not bend us
outta here!
Leela: (Now no longer upset) That’s the best idea he’s had in .errs well
since he’s been alive anyway.
Bender: As long as theirs a little payment of 100 bucks for each weirdo
that escapes from here. Yea Fry that includes you too!
Fry: Awww. no fair.
(Bender bends the bars so that every one can get out. This even includes
the overweight people. They all run out of the cages until Leela and Fry
are the only ones left)
Fry: Leela, I’m sorry I screw up all the time.I don’t try to; it just seems
natural to me.
Leela: It’s ok Fry. We all screw up occasionally.
(A smile spread across both of their face and they both ran back to the
spaceship, where Bender was waiting with a fat wad of cash.)
Bender: Common’ hurry up! Don’t keep my ass waiting!
(The ship takes off and see it head off into the distance with angry
looking giant hamsters in the car park all squeaking loudly towards the
ship)
(In planet express lounge, Doctor Zoidburg continuously practices his
seducing position and is even at the meeting in that particular position.
Everyone else is fed up with him acting this way as he keeps trying to
seduce Hermes and Professor Farnsworth)
Zoidburg: But professor I have room in my schedule for both you and Hermes!
Hermes: Holy Mick of limbo stick! We don’t want you Mon! We are happy as we
are thank you very much!
Scruffy: you fit me in at six?
Zoidburg: Sure! Anything for an old friend! Now I’ll need to know your name
and where your house is so I know where I’m going. Thank you Fry for
teaching me how to do this! It really works!
Fry: Sure, whatever Zoidburg!
Will Zoidburg ever seduce Hermes? Will Bender every get his ass polished
today? And what will happen at six? Find out on the next TALES OF INTERSET!
(ending credits)
Hey thanks for reading, this was my first fanfiction so please review it so
I can see what to improve on my next ones. Thanks loads!
Pink_space_chicken